why didn't you poke me back
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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