The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
