u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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