i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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