the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
