During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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