Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
