If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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