elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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