I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
There's always time for handjobs
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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