either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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