saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
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I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
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