You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
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i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
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Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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