Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
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