I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
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