Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
