my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
