I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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