Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
