I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
