So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
