You're so nebulous sometimes
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
