Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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