If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
