i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
