I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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