Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
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