1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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