i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
