I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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