Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
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I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
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My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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