dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
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I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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