She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
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I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
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I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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