Apparently you make a good broom.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
