Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
