onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
