Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
