The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
