I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
