Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
