you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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