He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
