nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You can't just leave with hair like that
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
