I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
