no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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