ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
