My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Randomize
