I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
