good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
