Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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