I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
