I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
