My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
