there's paper in my vomit.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
