I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
