If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
