Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
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