your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
