I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I have feelings that need drinking.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
