NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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