you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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