once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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