Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
