I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
