Got a toothbrush?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Sober January is a disaster.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
